Perpetually Perplexed

I hear this Kannada song in Soundcloud, which has lines    anu rEnu traNadalli paripUrNanu nInu    kshaNakshaNake avaguNagaLa kukarmi nAnu which roughly translates to    you are perfect in each and every molecule    but I am full of defects and am a bad person Some how, the song touches my heart. By the way it is a devotional song and I can not remember how it starts. So this perfect God has created men and women in his form and he made some of them like light, some of them like dark, some of them speak one language, some speak another language. May be he gave one religion to some people, another religion to some other people. So that people can hate each other and in some cases kill each other? Doesn't sound right! But this particular grouse of mine is not related to aptrard, siculars or any other adjectives here. I have gone global. I am watching this serial "Shots fired" and being troubled by its storyline.

Eating a mango or smelling of a jasmine flower are the two things which I feel are some what divine. Heavy words. Coming from a person who is part atheist and part non-devout hindu. When I am not sure of the existence of the one, sorry, the ONE, how do I call an experience as divine? And, more importantly, don't all religions tell us to stay away or at least not glorify the pleasures of senses? So eating some thing being divine is contradictory, do you say? But I tell it as I feel it. I feel the taste of a mango is not from this world. It is from "swarga". And I feel for a fraction of a nanosecond God must be really wonderful to have created such a fruit. And I also feel the reason for this divinity is that, these two belong to the "ma" family - maavu(mango in Kannada), mallige(jasmine) and amma. Of course you know amma - mother, maa, madre, mater, mathru. If at all there is a God, he/she will be like a mother. Always protecting you, being there w...

I keep writing slightly humorous posts about him and his men again and again. He keeps punishing me in ways no one can imagine. He or shall we say HE has decided, only outlet for my feelings, emotions and everything else is through internet. So he tried disabling the internet - by giving errors such as "authentication error by ISP".  Now he is punishing me by sending me to some other ISP like Jain telecoms etc instead of BSNL. He might be giving access to some one else through this. And he knows that no amount of me complaining to BSNL is going to help because he has already filled their ears through his proper channels.  Now today's revenge is he is not letting me go to nursery live site thinking that I may browse through the plants and feel slightly better.  He sure is one vengeful GOD. 

I was watching an English film. The priest says " By the power vested in me by the almighty, I declare you husband and wife." I got this little doubt. When and how does the almighty vest this power upon the priests? Does he take an avataar (Like our Hindu Gods) and give the power to priest to marry the mortals because it is below his (gods) dignity to do such menial task. Or does the priest tell Him " Now you are going to give me various powers like marrying people  etc. (Hey, I don't know anymore!)  etc. If you say aye, keep mum. If nay is your answer, come out from wherever you are hiding and confront me tell me so. And obviously the God does not come, and hence the conclusion !!  Well my intention is not to insult the religious feelings of anybody. In fact hindu marriage rituals are even more weird. But good thing is we don't understand a single word the priest says, as priest tells them in what is supposed to be Sankrit language.

  I went in search of God. To a place called Gokarn where Lord Shiva is supposed to be present. Well what did I find? Traffic jam. As they say in kannada, ಪಾಪಿ ಸಮುದ್ರ ಹೊಕ್ಕರು, ಮೊಳ ಕಾಳುದ್ದ ನೀರೆ ( ಅಥವಾ ಪಾಪಿ ಸಮುದ್ರ ಹೊಕ್ಕರು ಟ್ರಾಫಿಕ್ ಜಾಮೆ )     It was a family tour, kind of. My son and his cousins wanted to go to beach. They convinced their grand dad and arranged the trip. We 3 sisters and our husbands went as baby sitters or rather teen watchers. But why Gokarna, you may  ask. Gokarna also has a beach. And on the way, we went to Dhareshwar beach as well.     Let us come back to Gokarna. I feel for a temple town, it has far too many vehicles. Or may be most of them are tourist vehicles as ours was. On a road, which can allow one car only, there was a line of around 15 cars. Every time, we wanted to go to our lodge from the priest's house (where we were supposed to stay but could not as all the rooms were full and where we had our meals) and back, it ...

    When a person is completely upset and things are all going wrong (no, not all is well), will god come (pratyaksha!!!)? I am not joking. Today it did happen. For past few days, things are going from worse to worse. (How much worse can they get?) Don't expect me to elaborate on that. So today morning I am driving .(By now you know too well that that is the only other work I do other than eating ) God , none other that God Ganesha appears infront me. Initially I just got a glimpse and was doubtful. Then I saw HIM. O my god. Can this be true!!! Are my eyes deceiving me? It cann't ne true!!!    The best part was there were three Ganeshas. Now you know, these were the life size idols being taken to somewhere on a truck. Anyways he always shows up in disguise right!

      God is there? He must be there. As he is not here !! ha ha!! Look, if God was here, I would not have faced so many difficulties, because I am his child and parent will not put a child to difficult situations. But I am gradually being converted (No,no no my dear pink rsss-ians, not to Christianity!) to theist from an atheist. Many times I chant Om namah shivaya (of course in my mind). Well I recently read that, prayer will help calming the mind. Yes, of course you can't have other noises when your mind is mumbling un-understood words in sanskrit. Any ways, O God if at all you are there or here or anywhere, help this poor old lady (who still thinks she is teenager) and put some sanity in her head and some mercy in others so that they won't trouble her so much!!!

Every night after everyone else have released the control over tv remote, for five-ten minutes I do channel surfing and I see the same thing. doubleu doubleu doubleu godshop.com. Then I wonder what we may get in these shops? Some compassion, love for human beings, some good nature. I would like to send some people to this shop. So many of them. Osama bin Laden( wo to gaya), leaders of many nations, and all other religious fanatics. I hope that these people learn some lessons there which even a little baby knows. That the lesson is " IT IS WRONG TO HURT OTHERS "  no matter what. That there are no different gods for different people but there is only one god. That if a person does not agree with your point of view, or your Gods, YOU CAN NOT PUNISH HIM. That god will never hurt, he will only love each and everyone. So  YOU SHOULD ALSO DO THE SAME. That an eye for an eye will make the whole world blind. I know, I know, I am unable to think and write clearly, leav...

I was driving in the same old road with the same old people on the road. Suddenly I saw a Writing on a vehicle "God is just behind you". Hey, what did I do this time? Two days back I have paid 100 bucks for crossing a red signal. But so far on the road no signals were present. Did they come to know that still I haven't done my scooty's emission test. Then a sober voice said, it is not police, not traffic police. Only god. Godaaa, that's okay. No need to worry. He will forgive me for any of my sins. Even if we do not have the practice of asking for mercy on one day after committing all kinds of not so good things throughout the week. Our god knows, I am not responsible for any of my actions but my karma is. Anyway I got relieved and did not turn back, but looked in the rear view mirror. No I could see no one who remotely looked like omnipotent GOD. How did I know who was god. I knew better than to expect him to come with all crown and beads and silk as in a TV ser...

Atleast my one search must be over. No no I am not talking about searching my vehicle key before starting to office or searching for my son or husband's banian in the storage bin which was once a ward robe. No it is not at all a trivial search like this. It is high funda, spiritual search more suitable to my age (my 43 is the age for spirituality. Not yet you say..? THanks.) I have found the almighty omnipresent God. No, no he did not break the column and come out roaring like Narasimha. In fact I have not seen him yet. But I know who he is or she is? 3 days back I saw on the backside of a truck. " Pradeep . tayiyee devaru". Translated into English it says " Pradeep mother is god". So there is one particular Pradeep whose mother is God. Now don't be foolish again and ask me Hindu God or musalman god. There is only one god or should we say Goddess. THat is mother of Pradeep. Now you will tell me there might be 1000s of Pradeeps in this namma Bengaluru. How ...

I see him almost every day. He kind of lights up the place. Many days I just see a glimpse of him and then he disappears. After few minutes he reappears even more beautiful. Well, I am talking about setting sun I get to see on the drive back home( Yes, I am one of those few fortunate people who can return from office before night fall). The color of him will even be better than any beauty blushing before going to meet her lover. And clouds will try to imitate him and decorate the whole sky. Together they paint a picture which is a feast to the eyes. And the wonderful thing is this picture is different each day but beautiful every day. If god is the creator of all this then " God you are great!!!!"

I am a semi atheist or to put it correctly, a confused atheist. But I heard from many people, why we should pray to God. "Beleiving in God makes us stay away from wrong works(galat kaam)" - colleague 24 yrs "At least as long as you are praying, you will not have any other worries " - papa 63 yrs What are yours reasons for believing in God or not doing so? Well, is it?    Anyatha gatirnasti tvameva sharanam mama That is    As I have no other go, I am praying to you

If he is there, He must not trouble good men Am I a good man? If he is there He will not tolerate mindless violence Violence to him is but kids' play If he is there He will not test , test and test devout people They need not be devout?? If he is there He will make everyone as good as himself Now there are no good people so is he not there????

Well I almost understood why you have become a stone (idol). But I am unable to understand why do you still remain a rock. Can't you see thousands dying everyday all over the world? Don't you see people are being killed, are killing in your name? Can't you see that these people are blackening your name? Can't you unrock yourself and tell these people to stop fighting? Tell them that you are only one and all of us are your children. Tell them that if they kill others, they are physically hurting you? Can't you tell them that you are everywhere and even in our hearts , so they don't have to flock to shrines and get killed in a stampede. Or are you really enjoying all this. Like the greek people enjoyed the fights of slaves. If you can not stop this blood bath, you are not fit to be a God. Go away from this earth.

We try to buy higher and higher resolution camera. Do we ever pause to think what is the resolution of our eyes? Can you name a single gadget which has lasted 43 years of very rough handling, and still can catch tiny change in the shade of the color in the far corner of the sky while still cropping other unwanted portions like a cable and a building? You can not. So O human being, you can never beat the God in manufacturing.