Perpetually Perplexed

In the 2011 movie "The Help" about racial abuse in 1960's , a nanny tells a white child whom she is looking after. "you is kind, you is smart, you is important" and the child repeats after her. And she teaches this fact to the child each and every day. We never had such a nanny. So we never learnt this fact that we are smart and we are important. It is never too late. We can use this very good self affirmation each day. Because if some one praises you, you feel happy. Why can't that some one be yourself?

Image courtesy : Happiness Project

I am slightly busy and have reduced my TV watching to only 3 hours per day. :) What do I do in the spare time?  I was trying to find some kind of a game in Android. That is create. And there is this concept called model, view and controller there. I took around 5 days just for view - that is what users gets to see in the game. Trying various permutations and combinations. And now since it is time for controller - that is game logic - it has got really interesting. I was not able to write the solution myself. Great. And after thinking before sleep and in the dream, I finally got the solution. Why am I blogging about all these? How does it concern my readers?  My anger, sad feeling and all other assorted negative feelings take a back seat, as long as I am working on that program. And the during the rest of the day, mood is tolerable.  So all of us need to find our passion and work towards it. Every day. Not for an hour or two as a routine, but as a project with a...

I have been wondering the correct word for "jeevanasakti" in English. Jeevana is life and asakti is interest. The context is, few days earlier I saw the branch of my "Brahma kamala" plant lying on the ground. Cut, not even planted on ground, just lying there. As these plants grow a lot, I cut them often. So this branch was on the garden floor, no way of getting any nutrients as there are no roots, no water also. It was Bangalore rainy season - rains for few minutes, not continuously, not even daily. But still the branch was as green as ever and it had 4 small buds. Yes, buds which had the promise of blooming into beautiful, fragrant flowers.  If this is not jeevanasakti, what else is? This plant -  Epiphyllum oxypetalum - is its scientific name. Has no stem as such. Similar to cactus it grows leaves on leaves etc. And flowers in the night. The flowers are large and have mild fragrance. So if this plant can live and thrive, when uprooted, thrown away , why ca...

May be I should blog more about what matters to me most. There could be other people who may find these post relevant. If not, at least I may find it useful at a later date :) Yes, binge eating is one of the many unwanted things I do. I start eating with TV and watch all repeat shows and feel bored and eat more and see more. And then I will be all bloated and upset and do not want to do anything. I read an article today in Beliefnet. Yes beliefnet had an article about binge eating and how to stop it. Some points are Do not skip meals - especially breakfast.  Eat frequent but small meals Do not diet Find out your triggers When you feel the need to binge, do some other activity like calling a friend If you do binge eat, do not think it is all or nothing.  Etc, etc. You get the idea. Of course all these points are known to us. But still we need to be reminded of them. Frequently. So read the complete article at beliefnet

I have progressed. From reading self-help articles on web to bringing self-help books from library. But this makes me wonder, if the people (me included) could help self, would they need the above mentioned books or articles? Anyways. The current book I have brought is for improving self esteem. Or in some cases (mine included) bringing the self esteem from the farthest corner of the mind where it is hiding holding its breath. One of the methods - book says - is to watch for inner critic. The critic who always tries to downplay you, insult you and degrade you. And it is not your spouse. It is your own mind. See now my critic is saying "not all will blame their shortcomings on their better halves. Not like you" So you need to understand this inner critic and shut him up. Tell him that he is NOT helping you anyways. So would he please go AWAY.  Wrong English? It is ok as long as you get gist. Next step would be to write down your strengths and weaknesses in differe...

I was reading an article about blame. And one question made me think for long time. "Why are we so sensitive when any one blames us? But are least sensitive when blaming others?"

What makes us happy? Genuinely? According to Martin Seligman - the founding father of positive psychology, there are 3 different ways of being happy. 1) Pleasure - This concerns with senses. Good food, good drinks, watching TV. All such activities which are a treat to our senses. For me, whenever I am upset - which is quite often, I eat non-stop and watch TV.  But this form of happiness is habit forming. Of course we agree. 2) Doing work with passion - Any kind of work - how much ever mundane or trivial it is, do it with 100% concentration and with love.   I was surprised when reading and putting into practice a site called FLYLADY had made me calmer and happier. this site teaches us how to keep our house neat and tidy.  Now I am realizing the truth behind it. This is nothing but karma yoga from Bhagavat Gita.  3) Using your strengths for greater good of the society - helping others. Doing something useful for the society. All those rich plump ladies...

A nanny is hugging a child and telling her in slow monotonous voice "You is smart, you is intelligent, you is strong". Child is listening with wide eyes. This was a scene from the movie "The help". We did not have nannies when we are growing up. But our parents told us these things. And we became smart, intelligent and strong. And brimming with self confidence. Until the day our lives changed for ever. We were made to leave our parents to live in a  new house. This news house was where all the statements about us were meant to be wrong. This is where our self confidence was broken systematically,  until no one can find it even with a microscope. I don't want to put the blame completely on in-laws if living in joint family or on husband if not. It could be we ourselves. Due to social conditioning. Suddenly our focus should turn to cooking, cleaning and maintenance of the home and caring for family. We who hardly knew the difference between green dal an...

Yesterday in our class we learned about how to empower the counsellee using their own strengths to  cope with  the problem. Each and every one of us have inherent strengths. Many a times we are unaware of these because we tend to focus on our weaknesses. It is certainly essential to understand our weaknesses and work towards overcoming them. But if our thoughts are completely occupied with these, our confidence reduces and that will make things worse. Normally psychology concentrates on abnormal behaviors and treating mental illness. But positive psychology teaches people to change negative thinking, thereby creating more positive emotions. Positive psychology has 3 different concerns which are positive emotions, positive traits and positive institutions. Positive emotions are being content with one's past, happy in present and hopeful of future. Positive traits are one's strengths and virtues. Positive institutions are study of meaning, purpose and strengths that creat...

Two days back a trivial event happened at home. Some one asked my help for something. I do not remember the event but just that it made me some how happy. Yes, I have power. That feeling is very important for people like me who have frequent lows mainly due to self esteem problems. I remember one of my previous organizations where many or most of the people had the designation as manager of something or the other. We used to ridicule that. But now I understand the significance. This seems to be a very wise management tool. Make your staff feel important, each one of them. Then, they will be happy and the happiness is manifested in their work. I also remember two ladies, one of them my relative and the other my neighbor. Both had this knack of getting things done by people. Mainly domestic servants. They would talk to them so sweetly. Again at that time, I thought that behavior as cunningness. Looks like, there is nothing wrong in that. Now how can we use this concept for our ben...

I am not a huge fan of Barney of How I met your mother. If anything, I feel sorry for him. He is trying to fill the large void in his heart by innumerous escapades. But I appreciate his awesome attitude. No, no and NO. Do not get me wrong. If I say, I like his attitude, I will be betraying my other feminist friends. And he does not respect any one, because he does not respect himself and for some reason is terribly unhappy. That is true for most womanizers and manizers(??). I like his mantra - When I am sad, I stop being sad and be awesome. I saw in an episode, that he is waking up next to a dumpster, and straightens himself up and says "I am awesome" and walks away. Be that. Feel that. If you can not feel you are awesome, nobody else in the world will feel that. You do not have to be Einstein or Steve Jobs or Mother Theresa to feel awesome. You are you and there is nobody like you. And you are special to yourself. And by the way, I do not know why I watch HIMYM whe...

I stumbled upon this site where you can convert the beautiful quotes into nice posters. And of course I will not feel good until I post something lame funny. Hence I created this demotivational quote using the same site Again, these posters are created using http://recitehis.com

Just for today - I spent hours playing with GIMP :)