Skip to main content

Self confidence

A nanny is hugging a child and telling her in slow monotonous voice "You is smart, you is intelligent, you is strong". Child is listening with wide eyes.

This was a scene from the movie "The help". We did not have nannies when we are growing up. But our parents told us these things. And we became smart, intelligent and strong.

And brimming with self confidence.

Until the day our lives changed for ever. We were made to leave our parents to live in a  new house.

This news house was where all the statements about us were meant to be wrong. This is where our self confidence was broken systematically,  until no one can find it even with a microscope.

I don't want to put the blame completely on in-laws if living in joint family or on husband if not. It could be we ourselves. Due to social conditioning. Suddenly our focus should turn to cooking, cleaning and maintenance of the home and caring for family. We who hardly knew the difference between green dal and tur dal are suddenly supposed to cook thrice a day, each time delicious special meals. Our values are decided on how well we cook rice and sambar, how round are our dosa and chapatis and how clean our house is any time of the day. Every one tells us this fact and we start believing it and trying very hard for this new standard.

We try so hard that we stumble in each step. We make mistakes and get ridiculed for these, cry in secret. It seems that harder we try, farther is our goal. Of becoming perfect home maker. This makes us depressed, we start telling ourselves that we will never be good cooks, never be good wives and never be good at anything. 

Society plays also plays a very huge role here.  It tells that a married woman need to be good wife, good mother and NOTHING ELSE. How dare she pursue her career not taking care of her children? Why does she dress like that? Is she from a respected family or not? And so on.


Self confidence is one of the most important skills. And this is how most women lose it in the course of their marital life.

What women need to do now is re-build that confidence.

Whole world is there to judge you. Find faults with you. Point your mistakes. You don't have join them in. At least you have to be on your side.

One way of building that confidence in yourself is , whenever you get self doubt, whenever your mind starts blaming you for everything under the sky, take a deep breath. And delete that negative thought. Delete it completely, even from recycle bin.

And when you think about your positive qualities, amplify that thought. By a million times.

 And this next method may sound silly. But it works for me. Stand straight or sit straight. With your back erect. This posture makes you feel confident immediately.

Practice being confident. ALWAYS.

Because we women need self confidence. To survive in this world.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Someshwara shataka

ಚರಿಪಾರಣ್ಯದ ಪಕ್ಷಿಗೊಂದು ತರು ಗೊಡ್ಢಾಗಲ್ ಫಲಂ ಈವಿದಾ
ಮರಗಳ್ ಪುಟ್ಟವೆ ಪುಷ್ಪವೊಂದು ಬಳಲಲ್  ಭ್ರಂಗಕ್ಕೆ ಪೂವಿಲ್ಲವೆ
ನಿರತಂ ಸತ್ಕವಿಗೋರ್ವ ಗರ್ವಿದಂ ನೃಪ ತಾಂ ಲೋಭಿಯಾಗಲ್ ನಿಜಂ
ಧರೆಯೊಳ್ ದಾತರು ಪುಟ್ಟರೆ ಹರ ಹರಾ ಶ್ರೀ ಚೆನ್ನ ಸೋಮೇಶ್ವರ

Will a bird in the wild go hungry just because one fruit tree dries up? If one flower withers, will not the bee get any flowers? If one haughty king is miserly, will there be no patrons (of poetry) on this earth?


ಕೆಲವಂ ಬಲ್ಲವರಿಂದ ಕಲ್ತು ಕೆಲವಂ ಶಾಸ್ತ್ರಂಗಳೋದುತಂ
ಕೆಲವಂ ಮಾಳ್ಪವರಿಂದ ಕಂಡು ಕೆಲವಂ ಸುಜ್ಙಾನದಿಂ  ನೋಡುತಂ
ಕೆಲವಂ ಸಜ್ಜನಸಂಗದಿಂದಲರಿಯಲ್ ಸರ್ವಜ್ಞನಪ್ಪಂ ನರಂ
ಪಲವಂ ಪಳ್ಳ ಸಮುದ್ರವೈ ಹಾರ ಹರಾ ಶ್ರೀ ಚೆನ್ನ ಸೋಮೇಶ್ವರ

Learning from wise men, reading from good books, observing others  work and learning from good company, these are the ways a man becomes omni-scient (sarvajna - one who knows everything). Just like many streams join together to make an ocean.

P.S.
1) If you find some of my wordings in this shataka is wrong, please let me know. It is a 40 year old memory.
2) There are also many tripadis(poems with 3 lines ,…

Art therapy?

The other day, I was feeling little bit off. That happens most of the time, doesn't it? Well, that day I was feeling more off than usual. And was trying to fill the gigantic void with television shows, dumb mobile games and of course food.

Then I got up and took my color kit and started painting. OK, I am not an artist and am quite bad at it. But still I paint plain colors on empty jam and sauce bottles now and then. And it helps. And mind you, I started this much before these the "art therapy" became hip.

I even try to do some sewing. But that is more time consuming and needs better eyes. I may have patience and attention span of a two year old. So sewing is not for me.

So, the question arises, why don't I use this form of meditation - for the lack of better word, every time? I would have been ten kgs lighter and much much calmer. I don't have an answer. Here is my work from that day.

Again the photo has another story - I took the photo on old dining table clu…

Shantam papam

I plucked some leaves from my kitchen garden for (cooking) making tambuli in the evening. Imagine, I who can not read small letters, even in broad daylight, plucked some dodda patre leaves in the dark kitchen garden. I tried dry roasting them with coriander leaves. Suddenly I saw something whitish. A worm? What sin I was about to commit? I was about to feed non-veg, that too a worm, to two pious brahmins. Threw out the whole thing. Should I wear glasses even when I am cooking?
I hate these chalis. So never wear them. It hurts my nose. I go to a super market. I read a box of something to buy. I can not read its price. I ask the sales boy/girl, what is the price. They will think that I am illiterate. But see, I can't help it. Can't these people print atleast prices in large print for forty plus people.
After a long time today, I tried reading my daily horoscope from newspaper. Could not read anything. At this exponential decay rate, the day is not far when my vision would be zer…