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| Duryodhana depicted in folk art Yakshagana |
My actual name is Suyodhana, not Duryodhana. Because I am said to be very bad person, I came to be called as Duryodhana. Am I really Duryodhana?
From my childhood I am the black sheep. "Look there, Prince Yudhistira is going, how calm and good he is", "Look at Prince Bheema, such a sweet little mischievous boy", "There goes cunning little Prince Suyodhana" How does one boy become cunning and wicked and the other is called mischievous for similar actions? It is always Arjuna, Bheema and Dharma who get all praises from public. Never me and my brothers. It was so unfair. We are also princes. In fact our father is the king not theirs.
Leave outsiders. Even GrandPa Bheeshma was always showering all love and affection to poor little Pandavas. If I go near him, he will ask me in a gruff voice " How are you dear Suyodhan" and then immediately turn towards them. And Guru Drona treated Arjuna as if he is Sarvajna and handled Bhima's mischief with kids' gloves. He did not scold mem but the angry look he gave when ever I tried to fight with Pandavas was telling me again same thing. "You are the bad one to pick fight with good pandavas". I was sick and tired of these.
As we grew up my hunger for love and appreciation was replaced by thirst for power. I would be rude to all types of servants and I will even be rude to mother. Father would try to reproach me and when I don't listen, instead of putting his foot down, he will start his grumbling "Who will listen to this poor blind man!".
"How long will these Pandavas trouble me, anyways I will be the king" I used to console. But no, that was not so easy either. People were murmuring Pandavas should rule Hastinapur now that they have come of age. How does that happen? Am I not the son of ruling king? I confronted Bheeshma and asked him. He started talking in parables which indicated that he did not want to tell the truth. "But, Pitamaha, My father is elder. So he is the king and after him the kingdom should come to me". " Your father is blind. That is the reason Pandu became the king. And when he died an untimely death, the throne came to your father. He was to be the king until Pandu's children become adults" "But ajja, since father is blind, the throne came to Pandu. Wasn't it to be Pandu's until father's children turn to adults". Bheeshma did not have a satifying answer and told " It is time for my Dhyana"
Things started turning ugly after that. Everyone was against me or afraid of me. And I wanted to beat Pandavas my any means. But listening to uncle Shakuni was a bad idea. He was a sycophant and really wicked. But I could not control my anger and needed somebody to help me. And insulting Draupadi was the most inhuman act and I am so ashamed of it. If my enmity is with Pandavas, I should be hurting them, not their wife. That was not the way to treat a Kurukula bride and that was not the way a Kurukula prince must behave. How will I ever forgive myself for that? Please forgive me Panchali, I have wronged you.
I saw fear in the eyes of everyone around me, not respect. Even little children looked at me with terror. I was longing for one person who is not afraid of me and treat me as a equal. I got Karna. He was noble, honest, brave and such a great friend. He would do anything for me. May be the time spent with him was like a soothing balm to my injured heart.
But look what my friendship gave him! The warrior who can not be defeated by anybody has died by his arch enemy Arjuna. How will I face his wife? Won't she tell me that I killed her husband?
Now the war is almost reaching it end. I do not have anybody left to fight with me. I have lost my brothers, my guru, my grand father, my greatest friend in this war. Why did not anyone tell me that war kills everyone. There are not winners or losers, there is only blood and dead bodies in the war.
If I walk on the road, I see widows carrying their little ones, old wrinkled men and women walking like zombies and mutilated, injured people crying with pain. I cringe with shame in front of them.
Today will be war between me and Bhima. And I pray to you Invisible God Kill me and make Bhima the winners. At least he has his brothers.
Note : Duryodhana is the eldest of Kauravas in the epic story Mahabharatha. Read about him in this article
http://www.indianetzone.com/3/duryodhana.htm
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